Self-Happiness vs The World

So, it's the 22nd February 2022 and I'm sitting here wondering where the day's have gone. I remember New Years Eve like it was yesterday. I sat on my sofa making the usual News Years resolutions like everyone else did, praying for a better year, setting ambitious goals, creating daily affirmations and wanting a change in my life, which brought more happiness. I'm not going to lie, the last couple of months have been amazing and at the same time, extremely challenging, but hey, what is life without a struggle? It would be bliss, but life isn't perfect. Life has a mysterious way of showing us that our happiness, well-being and family, are more important than money, wealth and popularity. A meaningful life requires planning, ownership of our actions, and responsibility for the consequences of our choices and because of this, a meaningful life can be demanding and is often quite a stressful one. Life requires us to have patience and be grateful. If you are able to know where you are, where you want to be, and what you need to do to get there, you are in the best position to have a fulfilling life. I'm at that point in my life, where I love myself too much to care about who is watching me, who doesn't like me, who is doing better than me, or who is envious of what I have, because I no longer have nothing to prove to anyone but myself and God. Hence why I now move in silence with positivity and purpose. I find myself every now and again taking a break from social media because sometimes you just have to take a step back and do "YOU." It's not about doing what you think the world expects from you, or putting pressure on yourself to be like others. It's about being yourself. Yes, I've heard many tell me I don't call anymore, or go see them anymore, but at the end of the day they are probably noticing I've changed because I was always the one doing the chasing. It is what it is. I'm one body, I can't do everything. For many years, I was always trying to please others through being a role model, that I put so much time into caring for others, I forgot about caring for myself. But now, I'm enjoying everything that comes to me through my blessings. The pandemic taught me that life is too short. We don't have time to waste being around people who serve us no purpose. We don't have time to allow people to keep coming in and out of our lives bringing turmoil. We don't have time to keep wondering what if? For seventeen years I worked in retail part time as a sales assistant, because it allowed me to be a mother to my two sons, write books, run support groups, organise motivational seminars and simply be of help to my friends. Whilst it was hard work, I still had time for me. I was able to to socialise, party and spend time doing things other than being a mum and as much as my boys were young, I enjoyed parenting. But due to circumstances out of my control in 2019, my whole life turned around and I was forced into working full time which made things three times harder than it was before. My days became longer, more tiring, more challenging and I had less time to myself. The boys faced challenges and temptations daily, and my role as a mother became a lesson. I learned more about myself, the choices I made for the boys I loved. I recognised my mistakes and took ownership for my errors. I pushed myself harder to give the boys everything they needed, because I knew it was down to me to get them through the difficult times they were facing. I remember the tears. I remember yearning for God to make a miracle happen. I wanted the old Danielle back. The woman who loved life, was ambitious and who found the time to achieve her goals. Yes, I was working in a job that gave me satisfaction in the beginning, but then it lead to a role that was making me lose myself in the process. Being a full time working mum, has its advantages if you are working and seeing the money coming in, but when you are working to the point that all you are doing is paying bills, where you are left with little to nothing, you then have to question, what's more important, your bank account, or your happiness? Only the working mums who work full time will understand my pain. You give your job 100% because you want to do good in everything you do. You come home, cook, clean, wash clothes, help your children with homework, attend to their hobbies, which is pretty much being their taxi driver how many times a week, yet you still need to find a balance. Where is the time for yourself, or the time required for a partner? Yes, I've been told I'm a superwoman many a time, but I don't want to be a superwoman. I just want to be a driven woman. A woman who seeks everything she desires and gives others hope, that everything is possible, especially when you work hard for it. I have done a lot of reflecting over the last few months and I've decided that I would rather be driven by love or a passion of something, than be driven by money. So many people out there are driven by money, but once they get it, they still are not happy. They become so hungry to be rich, that their values and morals become lost. They have no empathy, become self-indulgent, ignorant and greedy.

I would rather be rich in happiness, financially comfortable and know that my wealth has come from a good heart. We have one life to live, so make sure that every precious day, you give it your best shot. Fulfil a goal, embrace change and growth. Because one day you can look back and be happy of how far you have come and know that you did it by yourself. Become the best version of yourself.