What does turning 40 mean to me?

Many years ago, turning 40 seemed like a life time away. I had so much time to worry about achieving goals, meeting my future soul mate, purchasing my own home, writing a will and deciding on what route I wanted to take for my future. At that point, life was just about living, having fun, raising my children and doing right by the people I considered to be my friends.

Whilst life was a struggle, I always remained positive, supported others who were not feeling their best emotionally and aimed to be the best mother I could ever be to my boys.

I travelled abroad to countries on my bucket list, wrote books, wrote songs and organised seminars for women to motivate and inspire them in wanting to become better individuals with the mindset that nothing is impossible. I even spoke at workshops for women who suffered domestic violence, whom of which were finding it difficult to move forward and remove themselves from the devastating situations they were in.

Everything I did, I did in vain, because my heart is good and I believe that helping people is a sign of kindness. Not only that, being involved in such amazing projects contributed to me believing in myself. My positivity conquered all fears, but there was still something missing to complete me.

For a very long time I couldn't work out what was wrong with me. I felt like I had failed. Failed in relationships. Failed in being in the right job that complimented me. After all, working as a sales assistant was only a mean time job I set out to do for a short period of time because I needed to be available for my children. But, I ended up being stuck in the position because the company was accommodating to my needs and I knew my job well.

The thing was, I knew I was qualified to be a print designer. I knew I was capable of designing my own clothing label, especially as I had previously built my own business which I couldn't maintain due to unforeseen circumstances. I lived and worked in New York designing prints for a fashion company in 2001 which gave me even more experiences that I could ever imagine. I was more than able to become a somebody because I was creative and I was certainly knowledgeable. But, being in a job that was repetitive, having people talk to me like I was worthless, was contributing to my state of mind. I felt unhappy. I wasn't sure if it was due to boredom, or the fact that I had already done so much in my life and didn't know what to do next.

Then 2018 arrived. I was excited and I was hopeful. I decided that it was going to be my year and I made it my goal to go into my 40's with a bang. The remaining months of being 39 were going to be filled with love for myself, love for life and definitely showered with experiences.

So, this year is my year. It is going to be a time to explore, travel, dance, sing, socialise, broaden my knowledge, embrace life, celebrate life and grab every opportunity with open arms. This is also going to be a year where I have no regrets. I promise to make enough changes that will get me in the right place I want to be physically and mentally. If I am happy, then my children will also be happy.

I am learning to appreciate everything I have, which includes, my children, my home, my family and friends. I am not taking anything or anyone for granted, because we never know when those things, or people can be taken away from us.

I’m not one for numbers or caring about birthdays, so I’m not depressed by turning 40. I think it's more the case that I can't believe that time is nearly here. As a teenager I always saw 40 as being old, something I knew that I’d reach one day, but I guess just not so soon. Naturally, this has created so many thoughts in my head and inflicted a vast amount of reflection. I really don’t feel 40. I’m not exactly sure what 40 is supposed to feel like, but whatever it is I’m not there yet. I don’t think my age has ever really defined who I am, so I guess it's not going to start now. If I had let age define me years ago, then I guess I should be looking about 60 by now.

If anything, I should be entering what will be the best and most productive decade of my life and certainly not the beginning of misery.

Good Health

For 2018 I am focusing on good health, which means a healthy diet and ensuring that there is a variety in the food I eat with a combination of fruit and vegetables. I am also trying to keep fit by running regularly, doing work outs and watching my calorie intake.

Since focusing on my well-being I have lost 10kg in a couple of months. In December2017 I was 79kg(12 st 5) and when I recently weighed myself, I was 69kg.(10st 9)

So, not only am I aiming to look good for my 40's, I am hoping to get back into the size 10 clothing that I used to wear over seven years ago and finally be able to wear a bikini in the summer. As much I as I don't feel 39, or look 39, it's very important that I maintain a good habit of looking after myself and my body.

Friendship

I have always been someone who has had many friends and acquaintances. Growing up as a teenager, I was spoilt for choice when it came to going out with friends. I was always travelling to someones house, or had it in my heart to chaperone friends to certain locations because I was the one who had the car. But, as I have got older, I have realised that friends come and friends go and not everyone you think has your back has your back at all. The true friends are the ones you may not even see often. They are the ones who remember your birthday, your kids birthdays without any reminders.

I can definitely say I have a number of friends who I can count on my hand that have always been there for me regardless. I know that whatever I go through, they are always there.

So, for my 40's I plan to spend more time with the friends who never forget me. The friends who never let me down and make an effort to be in my life, regardless of the fact that they always can't be physically present.

As I have got older and opened my eyes to certain things, I have realised that when we are younger, we put up with so much drama and unacceptable behaviour from the people we class as good friends. It took me a while to work out who those toxic people were, but eventually as I started to take a step back, I was able to see who had the negative energy that I was not willing to absorb.

So, I thank every friend I know who has shared their positive vibes with me. I thank all my good friends who have helped me at some point overcome any difficulties I have faced and I give thanks for having the strength to continue this journey. But, most of all, I give thanks for seeing another day. I must say, I feel blessed to be alive, because life is too short to be anything but happy.

Family

From the first day they were born,

my sons were my life. My love for them as and will never change, regardless of the hardship I have had to face raising them.

So far this year, we have had so much fun together. We have done road trips. they have helped me revise for my studies. We have gone on adventures and we plan to do holidays and lots more. As well as having my own life experiences, I hope to share many of them with my boys.

I aim to continue doing an amazing job supporting them and guiding them in the right direction. Being 40 will only give me further knowledge into motherhood and hopefully allow me to be a happier person for my children. I thank my boys for helping me to learn about myself as a woman and a mother. They have taught me how to be responsible, patient, unselfish and grateful. I hope that our future as a family will blossom and that we will continue to uphold our values, kindness and love regardless of how twisted the world is becoming.

Life Goals

I have always had life goals, but this year in particular leading up to my birthday, I have made a bucket list with around 15 things I hope to achieve by the end of the year. I always said that before I turned 40, I wanted to travel to the majority of destinations on my travel list, have more time out for myself, spend quality time with friends, give my boys everything they need, book a hot air balloon trip and much more. And yes, I'm looking forward to ticking off each goal before my birthday. Being 40 is going to be another milestone in my life, a new chapter, that I hope will be very different from the rest. I hope to celebrate in style and make this a year to remember.

I hope to make many changes, which include changes in my career, hence why I am currently studying for a better future. As much as it has been quite difficult to raise two children, juggle a part time job, study, keep up with my sons and their social lives, which involves their football, swimming, after school sports and youth groups. I can only say, that I am a very determined person and will not let anything get the better of me.

In order to be where I want to be, I am focusing on the law of attraction to visualise all the things that I want to attract into my life.

Whilst, I am very happy being single. I hope one day, the man of my dreams will walk into my life and complete me. I don't want a man to support me financially. I want a partner who is there to support me emotionally and physically. Who is happy to take on my sons, build with me and encourage me to be a better person. I need a man who is not frightened to be with a strong independent woman. But, at the same time, appreciate the loving, caring, supportive, encouraging and thoughtful woman that I am.

Becoming the best 'me'

I plan to be the best 'me' I can ever be. By 40 years old, I am going to be so in love with myself, that the love will out pour so that others will know how they should treat me. I am not excepting anything less than what I deserve when it comes to relationships. I am not allowing anyone to take me for granted and I am certainly not going to be anyone's option. I am a Queen who wears her crown with pride and if I am not a priority, take a step to the side and let the next potential King move onto the throne.

Roll on 40's, I am waiting to embrace you with open arms, because I know from the 20th of October 2018, my life is going to be what I make it . I am so excited to see what life has to offer.

I’ve started to become more positive and although it has been very hard to maintain at times, that positivity has helped me more than I ever thought it would. By expecting the best to happen, the best usually does happen.

I hope that things come together for me, like I have always hoped. I don't want to be rich with money. I want to be rich with happiness. I don't don't want to be famous and successful, I want to be successful in life. Success and being happy isn’t all about one’s mental outlook, it’s about believing that by working hard work you can achieve. Or, be willing to work for everything.

See how I have already started counting down to my big day. I can definitely say, life is about living and life is what YOU make it.